When did I become invisible? When did I cease to matter? These popular refrains are questions that, as a stylist, I hear all too often from women over the age of 35, regardless of their level of success and beauty. Aging, much like wearing any size above a size two in Hollywood, is a crime.

As humans, we are subjected to a barrage of images and forums that tell us how we should look, what we should wear, and what we should aspire to with the overwhelming fashion dictate that youth is what we should seek.

Fashion is a double-edged sword, selling women on a fantasy version of themselves but never validating them for who they are and where they are. There isn’t a celebration for women aged 35 and older for becoming wiser or more accomplished.

Women over 35 are one of the largest luxury buying sectors in fashion, yet they are underrepresented. Is it better than it has been in the Past? Yes! However, we still have a long, long way to go. We still see 17-year-olds modeling clothing, the season’s must-haves, continuing the sales speak that 17 to 21-year-olds move the fashion needle, driving purchasing behavior.

The fashion industry is a $ 2 trillion business, but it consistently ignores the core base that sustains it. If you are not young, you are left with endless self-doubt, constantly asking yourself, “Is this age appropriate? Is that age appropriate? Am I too old for this? However, what you may not realize is that the industry is pitching and selling you clothes that are not designed for you or your body type.  The question you should be asking “Is this YOU appropriate? How do YOU feel when you try this on or when YOU wear this?”

You have to meet yourself where your body is now, not ten pounds from now, not five years from now. More importantly, you must stop disparaging yourself by saying things like, “I hate my arms, my body is unattractive, I have big boobs or hips.” It is about celebrating and dressing the body you have today, tomorrow and every day. Why?  Because the body you have is perfect because it is yours.

Instead of the industry making women feel inadequate, why not push validation as the narrative of the day? Why is it about inspiration and aspiration that only speaks to a fantasy version of themselves, not their true selves?  

But what about women who are satisfied with themselves and where they are? These are women who understand that the outdated ‘this age sells’ narrative as well as understanding that their 17-year-old bodies, are in the past. These women have accepted changes in their bodies, not making excuses for widened hips and stretch marks after giving birth, nor about body parts that are no longer gravity defying but realistic in where they now sit.

If Women are considered beyond their sell-by date after age 35 (which is being generous, as it is probably closer to 30 by industry standards), what about women who are 45, 55, 60, 70, or 80? Women who are not just viable human beings but women who prioritize health, fitness, self-care, and leading fulfilling lives with someone or by themselves.

So, how does one move beyond what seems impossible? Again, meet yourself where you are. Have a shopping plan, much like a grocery list that refines what you need. Work with a personal fashion stylist or personal shopper to hone on what works and why.

As a stylist, I always focus on who the person is and what their goals are, helping them discover their style personality and uncover the motivation (psychology) behind the change or desire to change. Is it a significant event (promotion, loss of a loved one, divorce, empty nest syndrome) that is driving the decision? Understanding psychology, the why is very important. Statistically proven, when you wear something that makes you happy or looks great on you, you stand taller, exude confidence and move differently, with intention. So, knowing the driving factor for the why, opens a whole new understanding of self.

From there, my clients understand their clothing choices and make more informed decisions, giving them the confidence to style themselves effectively. The confidence comes from finally understanding your body and experimenting with textures, colors, and styles. I teach my clients how to dress with intention and for their pleasure.

Remember you are not too old, not too large, not too anything. You are exquisite, just as you are.